


Share the Burden

by Erdi99



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26364079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erdi99/pseuds/Erdi99
Summary: Steph asking Ranger to open up about the troubles he brought home
Relationships: Ricardo Carlos Manoso/Stephanie Plum
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note;**

**This is the first story I have finished in Months, so I got way too excited about this story and had to post it right away, so please forgive any grammatical errors. Also this is my first time writing in third person.**

**It is a scene with two POV and Ranger's POV is on the second chapter.**

**Steph's POV**

"Just talk to me!" She pleads with Ranger, who is sitting on the edge of the bed, with his back facing Steph, sweat covering his body from the nightmare he just woke up from. From what she could tell it had been a particular bad one.

"I can't and you know that" He growls.

"No, you can, you just won't!" Steph retorts, just as frustrated. They had been over this countless times and each time Ranger closed off a little more. She had no clue how to get through to him. She tried and tried and tried, but it was like hitting a brick wall and hoping it would move.

"It's classified." Ranger replied and goes to stand in front of the floor to ceiling windows, putting his hands into his pyjama pockets in the process. A look at his reflection in the window, shows her that he had his blank face in place again. She was really starting to hate it.

"Ric...please...if you won't talk to me...talk to a professional." She urged and not for the first time. Like always she hoped he would answer differently.

"Professionals are for the crazy people." Same answer as always, which had her sighing.

"Ric…" She shook her head and ran her fingers through her messy

**Author's Note;**

hair. "This is not healthy. You are like a pressure cooker... at some point you are going to blow." She could feel it. Everyday his shoulders got tighter, his mood more sour. He wasn't sleeping, so every morning he woke up a little more tired than yesterday and even though he tried to hide it from her, she could see, judging by the bags under his eyes, that it had been a few weeks since he had had a proper sleep. Yesterday she had contemplated giving him a sleeping pill, but she hadn't wanted to risk it.

"Stop psychoanalyzing me Stephanie!" Steph winced at that. Ranger only ever used her full name when he was mad.

She tried talking to the core team, but they were just as stubborn as their fearless leader. They had no problems walking into a building full of armed men or defusing bombs under heavy gunfire, but talking about their feelings or how Ranger was at a breaking point, no can do. When she pleaded with Bobby to do something, he told her that getting Ranger to talk about what was going on inside his head, was like drawing water from a stone. "You don't know what it is like! All of you civilians like to know we exist, but once you find out what monsters your tax paying dollars have created you get upset. You don't want to know...not really!"

"I do, I want to help you through this.. I want to share the burden!" She exclaimed.

"Share the burden?" Ranger snorted, still not facing her. "You don't want that! Because if you find out what it's like inside my head, you will run far, far away from me."

"Ranger…" With another sigh she got off the bed and came to hug him. Her front to his back. Leaning against his sweaty back, she inhaled. Sweat, his Bvlgari body wash and something that was uniquely Ranger, invaded her nostrils. She loved his scent, was addicted to it, to the point that she stole his just worn shirts and took them home to sleep in. Especially every time before he left town. "I know who you are on the inside, nothing you say or do would make me look at you differently."

"Like killing Abruzzi?"

She nearly snorted. "I knew about that."

"I never said anything."

"Didn't have to. I called you and he was dead a few hours later" Steph shrugged into his back. "You did it for the greater good...I'd rather you didn't have to...but I guess I cannot stop you."

"You could" Steph nearly missed the words, that's how quietly he said them. She would love to stand here and overanalyze his words, but he deserved her undivided attention and her truth. So she decided to lay it all out on the table.

"You won't even let me in, so I have no right to ask you to give up the job you love, just for the nightmares to stop...just for us to finally have our someday." She swallowed hard to keep the tears at bay. "These last three months have been great, I am not denying that, but they also made me realize that I want it all and preferably with you. I have fallen more deeply in love with you than I ever thought was possible. You helped me, not just with my work, but also to find myself. I have never been stronger, my self esteem has never been higher and I finally figured out what I want in life. Besides my job, I want a house, a white picket fence and puppies and a baby someday. But you are not letting me help you... You are not letting me help to carry the weight on top of your shoulders and I can't deal with that. I am not giving you an ultimatum, not asking you to stop going on missions, I am not making you choose. I'm just simply telling you, that if you cannot let me in, I cannot live with that. Love just won't be enough. There will always be a piece of you that I won't have access to, but you get all of me…it would be an imbalanced relationship." With bated breath she waited for him to answer, only he stayed quiet.

Steph moved even closer to him, hugging him a little tighter, while her heart broke. Deep down, she knew that this was it. The end of the road for both of them. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to regret the last few months. Despite bringing this argument back up over and over again, it had been the best time of her life. Like she told Ranger just now, it made her realize what she wanted out of life and that she deserved more. She wasn't going to settle for second best anymore. Having realized that, it caused her to finally speak up against her mother instead of avoiding her. Willingly, it made her get more training to do her job and not at the urging of everyone around her.

"I can't Babe." Three simple words and despite knowing this would be his answer, her world crashed down around her. A sob escaped her mouth and tears just fell at a rapid pace down her cheeks. Ranger turned in her arms and brought his arms around her, drawing her in. "I am sorry Steph. I just can't do it."

How long they stood there, in the shards of their brief relationship, she had no idea, but at some point Ranger picked her up and carried her to the bed. He sat down against the headboard, with Steph on his lap, her head on his shoulder, and he let her cry. The sobs subsided at some point and she closed her eyes exhausted, not knowing what would happen tomorrow.

She must have fallen asleep, because when she woke Ranger was gone. Steph laid there for the longest time, staring at the ceiling, reflecting on last night. Part of her wished she wouldn't have said anything, but the other part was glad she had. She finally knew where she stood.

With a deep breath in, she inhaled his scent and because of that she quickly released it again. Then she got up, showered, packed her bags and took the key for seven of her chain. With a heavy heart and a couple of more tears, she left the key in the bowl next to the entrance and walked out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ranger POV**

With his back to her, he took a few deep breaths. Fuck these nightmares. He was a sweaty mess because of it again. "Just talk to me!" The pleading in her voice made his chest ache.

"I can't and you know that" They had been over this countless times.

"No, you can, you just won't!" Steph retorted, frustration evident in her voice, which made his heart contract painfully again.

"It's classified." He pushed off the bed to stand in front of the floor to ceiling windows, shoving his hands into his pyjama pockets. A look at his reflection in the window, confirmed that the bags under his eyes got worse. These days he could only sleep when he passed out from exhaustion.

"Ric...please...if you won't talk to me...talk to a professional."

He already anticipated her sigh, when he said "Professionals are for the crazy people." It was something his mother always used to say. ' _Ricardo, only loco people share their feelings'_. The army just helped manifest that belief.

"Ric…This is not healthy. You are like a pressure cooker... at some point you are going to blow." He knew that and when that happened he would make sure he was far away from her.

Instead of confirming that she was right, he lashed out. "Stop psychoanalyzing me Stephanie!" He used her full name, knowing full well that she hated it. He generally reserved that for when he was really mad, but today he used it to get her off his back. "You don't know what it is like! All of you civilians like to know we exist, but once you find out what monsters your tax paying dollars have created, you get upset. You don't want to know...not really!" He knew that for a fact. Everytime a news story leaked of what Marines, Rangers and any other Special Ops teams really did, the Civilians all pretended to be so surprised and denounced the military. What did they expect, that they sat in the fucking desert and braided each others hair? Asked the enemy to pretty please put down their weapons and extended an invitation for tea at Guantanamo Bay?

"I do, I want to help you through this... I want to share the burden!" She exclaimed, bringing him out of his internal rant.

"Share the burden?" Ranger snorted and focused on the lights of Trenton below. "You don't want that! Because if you find out what it's like inside my head, you will run far, far away from me." He couldn't risk it. To have her look at him with disdain or even worse pity. Or she might just put a bullet through his head to bring the evil to justice, because he deserved that and far worse.

"Ranger…" He heard her get off the bed and her foot steps came closer, until her front was pressed to his sweaty back. He felt her inhale and he did the same with her. Her coconut butter lotion surrounded him and something that was uniquely Steph. Sometimes he wished he could bottle her scent and carry it with him on Missions. Maybe then he wouldn't come back as fucked in the head. "I know who you are on the inside, nothing you say or do would make me look at you differently." She always saw the best in him.

"Like killing Abruzzi?" He retorded, wanting to make her realize that he was the monster he claimed to be.

"I knew about that."

That surprised him. "I never said anything." And neither had she.

"Didn't have to. I called you and he was dead a few hours later" He felt her shrug. "You did it for the greater good...I'd rather you didn't have to...but I guess I cannot stop you."

"You could" She had no idea the power she had over him. One snip of her finger he would do anything for her, just not what she asked of him right now. Nothing good could come out of it if he showed her the evil that lurked within him.

"You won't even let me in, so I have no right to ask you to give up the job you love, just for the nightmares to stop...just for us to finally have our someday." Someday...god he had hoped he could make that with her. "These last three months have been great, I am not denying that, but they also made me realize that I want it all and preferably with you. I have fallen more deeply in love with you than I ever thought was possible." And he had fallen right along with her. "You helped me, not just with my work, but also to find myself. I have never been stronger, my self esteem has never been higher..." He was so proud of her for that. All because he had finally made his move and told her he loved her. She had finally told her mother to fuck off. When she told him about that, he couldn't help but smile all day. His employees had thought he had taken drugs. "...and I finally figured out what I want in life. Besides my job, I want a house, a white picket fence and puppies and a baby someday. But you are not letting me help you... You are not letting me help to carry the weight on top of your shoulders and I can't deal with that. I am not giving you an ultimatum, not asking you to stop going on missions, I am not making you choose. I'm just simply telling you, that if you cannot let me in, I cannot live with that. Love just won't be enough. There will always be a piece of you that I won't have access to, but you get all of me…it would be an imbalanced relationship."

She was right, again. It would be an imbalanced relationship and love wouldn't be enough. He wished he could give all of that to her. And three months ago, he thought he could. After the debrief, he had gotten off the plane, declared his love to her and thought the months prior would be easily compartmentalized. Oh how wrong he was. A couple of weeks after he had gotten home, it all caught up with him. Nightmares started, memories that he had tried to forget, started to resurface and it wasn't just his last mission, it was all of them. Sometimes, in his dreams they would get mixed up and his mind made something up that was even worse than what he had lived through.

As weeks went on, the faces of the people that had died in real life had turned into Steph's. The more Steph let him in, the worse it got. It made him realize that despite him loving her and that he had sworn to himself he would never let anything happen to her, that just by being with him, it could cost her her life.

And also if he did what she asked him, if he shared the burden, she would lose her carefreeness. Her smile would dim, her heart would beat a little less and it would slowly kill everything that he loved about her.

Steph moved even closer to him, hugged him a little tighter, which made him realize that he hadn't answered her. "I can't Babe." Three simple words, yet his heart broke into a million pieces.

They stood there, in the shards of their brief relationship, with Steph still holding on tight and sobbing into his back. He needed to see what he had done, so he turned in her arms and hugged her right back. Ranger knew it would be the last time that he could. "I am sorry Steph. I just can't do it."

A while later, his legs got heavy from holding her upright, so he scooped her up and sat on the bed against the headboard, with Steph on his lap, her head on his shoulder. The sobbing subsided at some point, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep not long after.

Yet, he was wide awake. He sat there, staring out the window and wished his life was different. Ranger was kicked his own ass for thinking he could make this work. For thinking they could have their someday. He especially was kicking himself for causing Steph so much pain.

He watched the sun slowly rise on the horizon, before he lifted Steph off his lap and tucked her into the bed. He allowed himself to kiss her on the forehead one last time, before he left the room with a heavy soul.

Getting work done was difficult and he couldn't concentrate, he kept staring at the live CCTV feed from his apartment, where a couple of hours later he watched Steph pack her belongings and leave her key behind. The loud bang that came from the screen, when the metal door of his apartment shut behind her, seemed fitting.

Because the moment she walked out, his heart locked down as well.


End file.
